SAN-T-guy, the SAN Technologist killed me this morning with his latest post. Gave me a big idea. Which one of the storagerap readers can come up with the best/funniest/weirdest guarantee? Storage does not have to be a part of it, seeing as real storage requirements have so little to do with the current guarantees.
Storagebod - you seem like you have the mojo for something good - Alex M, I know you do too, but you're a bit conflicted this go-round. Pack Rat - I know you're traveling, but this should be quick.
-Application Server Software: Guranteed to force the NOC team to make emergency 3:00AM calls so frequently that your wife will leave you.
(And I'm thinking of a partcular software product from a now defunct vendor when writing that.)
-Mainframe Admin: Guaranteed to be buried inside the still running system alongside your predecessors when you die after a long life of being avoided at parties.
-Long term tape retention: Guranteed that you'll have dumped that problem onto another sucker by the time Legal show up looking for data from ten years ago, which was written in a now defunct tape drive format with a backup application no one has even heard of. Not that the backup completed successfully anyway even if you could read it. Let the rest of them go down for 15 to 20, you'll be somewhere where it's warm and sunny.
The Year of Linux on the Desktop: Guaranteed to be this year. Or the one after. Or the one after that. Repeat until it's ten years down the line and it still hasn't happened.
Posted by: Storagezilla | October 09, 2008 at 06:39 PM
Do you want real guarantees? Or ones we would like to see?
Ryvita Guarantee - Our Thin Provisioning is the thinnest; unfortunately it has all the capability of a cardboard box!
Black Hole Guarantee - We have the densest storage (salesmen); your data will be stored in the densest storage medium known (just don't ask us how to recover it).
Green Guarantee - Our storage is incredibly energy efficient and our disks never power-up at all (our VC pulled our funding)
Posted by: Martin G | October 10, 2008 at 12:17 AM
Just call me Alex, Oscar.
http://blogs.netapp.com/shadeofblue/2008/10/3pars-oscar-wil.html
Posted by: Alex McDonald | October 10, 2008 at 04:33 AM
Here is something that we can all guarantee we will experience –
The Women and Men Lifetime behavior guarantee
Women - If Daniela, Andreia, Debra and Tina go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.
Men - If Lee, Fred, Grant and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Jesus, Peanut-Head and G-Money.
Men - When the bill arrives, Fat Boy, Jesus, Peanut-Head and G-Money will each throw in 10 pounds tip for the pretty waitress, even though it's only for 32.50 pounds for the bill. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.
Women - When the girls get their bill, out come their pocket/phone calculators.
Women - A woman has the last word in any argument.
Men -Anything a man says will guarantee that is the beginning of a new argument.
Women - A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
Men - Are vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
Women - marry men expecting them to change, but they don’t.
Men - marry women expecting that women won't change and she does.
Here is another one we can also take to any Bank still left in business!
EMC Guarantee
Even More Complexity Guarantee - 100% guarantee to introduce new offerings and products for added layers of complexity and new revenue generating streams for EMC professional services.
HDS Guarantee -Guarantee to copy what ever the others guarantee.
IBM - Guarantee to change their storage strategy every month!
Posted by: silvaclan | October 10, 2008 at 05:43 AM
I'd like to propose Chuck's first axiom of marketing guarantees:
The outrageousness of the guarantee is in direct proportion to the desperateness of the company making it.
Posted by: Chuck Hollis | October 10, 2008 at 05:56 AM
Perhaps Netapp and the others should set up a bank - guaranteed 40:1 reduction in the value of your investment.
Posted by: Chris M Evans | October 10, 2008 at 06:58 AM
Hey now! LOL. My cup runneth over.
Silvaclan - My house is built with your guarantees.
Alex Noem, I regret not having had the opportunity to take a road trip with Wilde.
Z-man - might as well take those tapes to the beach with you - and save everybody the frustration
Martin - black hole sales guys? really?
Chuck, Does the axiom apply to political races?
Posted by: marc farley | October 10, 2008 at 08:15 AM
Hey 3Par congratulations!!!! NetApp has put you in the same "large storage vendor" classification, with itself, Dell and EMC.
I think that is a compliment, hope you guys hit multi-billion dollar revenue streams very quickly, I know you are well on your way!
Posted by: Steven Schwartz - The SAN Technologist | October 10, 2008 at 10:47 AM
I guarantee the Cubs won't win the World Series this year
Posted by: Steve Todd | October 10, 2008 at 11:22 AM
I Guarantee that the Stock Market won't drop anymore until Tuesday, October 14th.
Posted by: Steven Schwartz - The SAN Technologist | October 10, 2008 at 07:39 PM
I guaruntee that Microsoft will buy Yahoo this year...maybe
I guaruntee Marc is going to be attacked by one of those cows in the background
Posted by: Stewey | October 10, 2008 at 07:46 PM